Monday, May 24, 2004

How do you say "light starch" in German?

Sometimes it's the most mundane of tasks that make you feel like an idiot when you don't speak the language. Since my hausfrau is currently doing her hausfrauing in Wisconsin for her mom, I've had a buildup of work shirts that I've washed but not ironed (having your shirts laundered is much more expensive here than in the States, so most people do their own). I suppose one novel way to deal with this problem would have been to actually iron them myself, but get real! I'm a slowpoke, so it would have taken me all day and I still probably wouldn't have done a very good job. So, I bit the bullet and took them to a cleaner downtown today to have them pressed. Fortunately I looked up the German word for ironing (bügeln) before going, but that ended up being about the only easy part. When I explained I needed them ironed, she said something in German about how it was the same price to get them washed. I tried to explain that I didn't need them washed, just pressed, but she kept telling me it cost the same (not that there would normally be any harm in getting them washed again, but a lot of people find the washing machines here destroy their clothes more quickly than in the States--which may say something about both the high intensity of European washing machines and the cheap quality of American clothing--so I didn't want to take any chances. I was getting pretty flustered, but I think I finally convinced her that, while perhaps it was a strange request, just pressing would be OK even if I could get them washed for no extra cost. She asked another question I couldn't understand but I think we pantomimed that I wanted them on hangers (either that or she was making some sort of Swiss obscene gesture). Then she counted the shirts and there were ten of them, and it turns out that with ten shirts, the eleventh is free. She was very insistent about this. I tried to explain that I only had ten shirts to drop off, and she kept pointing at the eleventh for free. I really didn't feel like walking back to work with an armful of shirts just so I could wait until I had an eleventh (at which point I would have to walk back again), but she was being so insistent I thought I should maybe just rip off my tie and give her my shirt for the freebie (my undershirt is clean, after all, and with my suit I could have a kind of Miami Vice thing going). Finally, though, I just mustered up my best German and said "But I have ten!" She seemed disappointed in me--what kind of person doesn't want washing for no additional charge plus an additional shirt thrown in--but agreed to go along. After paying up I walked out and all of a sudden the old man who came in after me (and who helpfully translated when they would be ready) came out of the store and hollered for me to come back. It's a good thing I heard him, because I think he was ready to sprint after me, and I'm not sure he was up to it. It turns out I was supposed to get an electronic key card (like a hotel key) in lieu of a receipt--I have no idea why. In the end everything worked out, but I definitely felt like a bit of a doofus, and what pisses me off is I can't be upset with anyone but myself. I don't want to be the ugly American and get irritated when they can't speak English (although I can think it to myself sometimes, right?), but the reality is that I'm the foreigner in their country and if I don't speak German I can't expect it to be easy all the time. It sure would be nice to have a scapegoat for my lameness, though--how about the U.S. educational system? If they did a better job teaching foreign languages, maybe it would be easier here. There, now I feel better.