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PARIS HILTON CALLS FOR END TO SWIFT BOAT FLAP
Distracting Attention Away From Her, Heiress Says

Hotel heiress and reality TV star Paris Hilton today called for an end to the controversy over Sen. John Kerry's Vietnam War service, warning that the continuing swift boat flap was distracting attention away from her.

Speaking at a press conference in Washington, Ms. Hilton told reporters that the controversy "has overshadowed the issues that really matter to the American people, such as my messy break-up with Nick [singer Nick Carter of The Backstreet Boys]."

Ms. Hilton also said the she had experienced "a significant and troubling decline" in ambushes from paparazzi ever since the swift boat brouhaha began.

In an effort to blunt the controversy stoked by the group calling itself Swift Boat Veterans for Truth, Ms. Hilton announced today that she and her sister Nicky had founded a new political action committee called Hotel Heiresses Against Swift Boat Veterans For Truth.

Ms. Hilton picked up an important backer later in the day when actress Lindsay Lohan voiced her support for the tabloid princess's decision to take on the swift boat veterans.

"Before the whole swift boat thing came up, people were obsessed with whether or not I had my breasts augmented," Ms. Lohan said. "I'm deeply concerned that the nation seems to have lost focus on that."

"If these swift boat veterans were really for truth, they’d want to know the truth about my breasts," she added.

In other political news, the Republican National Committee announced today that President George W. Bush's acceptance speech at the convention next week would be simulcast in English.