Like a hyena duct-taped to a kangaroo

One of the big pleasures I missed while away was spending a rainy Sunday inside reading the newspaper (the Sunday paper in most American cities, including here, typically weighs about 8 pounds and can easily take the better part of a day to get through if you take it leisurely enough). One of the related, smaller, pleasures I missed was the weekly contest in the Sunday Washington Post, which was almost always good for some laughs. This week's entrants were no exception: intentionally amusing analogies.