Not funny

Every Sunday, the Washington Post's Style section has a contest for which readers are asked to submit funny entries. Most of the time they take far more creativity than I possess, but every few months there will be a contest where I figure I can come up with something relatively quickly and easily. Alas, never once have I had an entry chosen, so I'm beginning to get a bit of an inferiority complex about my relative lack of cleverness (they probably get hundreds of entries, but still).

The latest one I entered was about a month ago. The concept: try to come up with phrases that, when entered in quotation marks in Google, would come back with no hits (i.e., a "Googlenope").

Easy enough, I thought, and submitted the following (which I didn't actually google...who knows, maybe they're not real Googlenopes):

Refreshing Anacostia River drinking water [local DC reference]

Candied head cheese on a stick

Michael Vick ASPCA man of the year [US sports reference]

Warmongering Canadians

World-class Luxembourg athletes

Transgendered Republicans for choice

Alabama gun dealers for Hillary

Filet o' gefilte fish

Golden Girls naked outtakes

Soothing lullabies Metallica

Sure enough, when I got yesterday's paper I went straight to the Style section and...nothin'. I was deeply wounded for a minute, but then when I looked at what I had submitted I realized they really weren't that funny after all. Oh, but just you wait--one of these days I WILL be funny, yes I will...