Can't take it

You know what? Screw the pioneer spirit. Our house now officially feels like a sauna...in the tropical rain forest...during the height of summer. Therefore, we're off to a hotel.

OK, this definitely sucks

We woke up this morning to discover that the air conditioning in our house was kaput, and we still haven't figured out what the worst part of this is:

-- It's around 90 degrees (30+ celsius) and quite humid, and expected to remain that way for the next several days;

-- The repairman we had out today basically said we need a whole new air conditioner, which will cost thousands of dollars;

-- We won't be able to get it fixed until at least Tuesday; and

-- My Dad arrives for a visit tomorrow from Southern California, where humidity is basically nonexistent.

I guess we need to summon up some of that American pioneer spirit and accept that generations of people lived without A/C so we'll probably survive for four days...

BlackBerry blogging

Neither of us have been in much of a blogging mood these days, in part because it's been bloody hot and humid, which turns our upstairs into a veritable sauna, and in part because our web browser seems to freeze up about every 5 minutes or so (I swear, a Mac laptop is sounding better every day). So what better time to blog then on a crowded (but thankfully air-conditioned) bus ride home?

Anyway, today's random observation is that--at the risk of sounding crass or insensitive--it seems like the proportion of large women riding the bus has been going way up (so to speak) lately. And when I say large, I'm not talking merely Rubenesque--I mean obese. Huge. Corpulent. Massive. Two-seat-taking. You get the picture.

I have no idea what this means...

Party girl

We celebrated Baby's birthday in style, with not one but two little gatherings. (She, in turn, decided to celebrate by crawling forward for the first time on her birthday.) First we had a little get-together in Milwaukee with Gretchen's sister and her family. We had hats...



...and cake, which she disliked so much she spit it back out...



...and a gift, which she liked much better than the cake...



...then, when we were up north on her actual birthday, Nanci and her kids came over and brought another gift (spoiled little girl!)...



...along with bubbles, which were another big hit...



...and another cake, which she unfortunately disliked just as much as the other one...



...all in all, a very nice birthday other than the cake (of course our friends with babies around the same age sent pictures of their kids devouring cake or cupcakes--it's very like Baby not to follow the crowd).

Radio, radio

Our first morning in Milwaukee, I started scanning radio stations and came across something you won't find many places outside of Europe and Wisconsin: polka music on the radio. YES! This could only be good. (Keep in mind that the father-daughter dance at our wedding was basically a polka to "If You Want to be a Badger.") So that's how WTKM 104.9 FM in Hartford, Wisconsin became one of our pre-set stations. (They even have streaming audio, so I'm rocking out to polka as I type. I think I'm ready for Gretchen and Baby to come home if this is what constitutes an entertaining evening.)

Thinking we could hear some polka, I switched to it while we were driving up north. Little did I know they would have something even better than polka music: the Open Line show, which is described on the website as a "Telephone talk show with general topics, recipes & frequent guest interviews." This wasn't obnoxious talk radio with angry white men ranting about immigration, liberals and gays. No, this was mostly older women with simply awesome Wisconsin accents. During the brief time we still had reception, we heard discussion of the following important topics:

--A woman called to complain that her raspberries just weren't as juicy this summer as they were last year, and was anyone else having this same problem? The host empathized, especially since the strawberries were so good this year.

--Another woman called because she was having problems with woodchucks and remembered that there was a recent discussion of how to deal with woodchucks on this show, and could the host remind her what people suggested? His response: "well, some of our callers said you could shoot 'em." This prompted another caller (the sole male caller, I think) to chide the host (who of course wasn't personally suggesting shooting them, but was simply passing along other listeners' ideas) because it turns out state law says you can't shoot woodchucks. So don't be getting any funny ideas the next time you're in Wisconsin and someone asks you if you want to go woodchuck hunting.

--Yet another woman was looking for a recipe for rhubarb muffins (I swear you can't make this stuff up).

--Finally, an older-sounding lady had some work done at her house a year or so ago, and was trying to find the number of the contractor because they evidently moved. The host very cheerfully got out his phone book to look it up for her, which she was very grateful for because, as she put it, "the phone book is just so big, you can't find anything in it."

Sadly, not long after this the signal began to fade. Had it not, we definitely could have listened to it all morning--definitely small-town America at its finest. (And I'm telling you, you absolutely owe it to yourself to listen to some top-notch polka music -- just see their programming schedule.)

Right back at you

One thing that drives me crazy is when people feel they need to share their political views on hot-button issues with you in inappropriate situations (especially if I don't agree with them). I'm just not very good with snappy retorts, so I inevitably feel like an idiot for not coming up with a good response.
Case in point: I stopped at a gas station in Wisconsin to pick up a newspaper. While waiting to pay, an older guy came in and also picked up a paper. The following conversation ensued (OG = older guy...actually, it also means "original gangster", but for our purposes it'll mean older guy):

OG: Looks like they'll be taking more money out of our pockets.

Me: Oh, really?

[OG frowns and opens up his newspaper and points to an article about a proposed universal health-care plan]

OG: $16 billion...gotta help them illegal aliens.

Me: Hmmmmmmm... [look away quickly]

I mean, is the local gas station mini-mart really the place to discuss either universal health care or immigration policy? And why can't I come up with a better response than to furrow my brow and try not to make further conversation? How do you reduce incredibly complex and difficult issues to idle 30-second chitchat? (In the end I figure he probably saw me drive off with my Illinois plates and figured I was just another big-city Chicago liberal...)

Not funny

Every Sunday, the Washington Post's Style section has a contest for which readers are asked to submit funny entries. Most of the time they take far more creativity than I possess, but every few months there will be a contest where I figure I can come up with something relatively quickly and easily. Alas, never once have I had an entry chosen, so I'm beginning to get a bit of an inferiority complex about my relative lack of cleverness (they probably get hundreds of entries, but still).

The latest one I entered was about a month ago. The concept: try to come up with phrases that, when entered in quotation marks in Google, would come back with no hits (i.e., a "Googlenope").

Easy enough, I thought, and submitted the following (which I didn't actually google...who knows, maybe they're not real Googlenopes):

Refreshing Anacostia River drinking water [local DC reference]

Candied head cheese on a stick

Michael Vick ASPCA man of the year [US sports reference]

Warmongering Canadians

World-class Luxembourg athletes

Transgendered Republicans for choice

Alabama gun dealers for Hillary

Filet o' gefilte fish

Golden Girls naked outtakes

Soothing lullabies Metallica

Sure enough, when I got yesterday's paper I went straight to the Style section and...nothin'. I was deeply wounded for a minute, but then when I looked at what I had submitted I realized they really weren't that funny after all. Oh, but just you wait--one of these days I WILL be funny, yes I will...

How I spent my vacation

To me, a truly successful vacation involves lots of reading, and this was no exception. I didn't actually read any books this time around (I've been in more of a news/sports mode lately and am taking forever to get through my current book even though I really am enjoying it). Anyway, if anyone cares, here are some things I enjoyed (warning, some of them are long):

Fareed Zakaria in Newsweek on what we lose when the U.S. turns inward.

David Von Drehle in the Washington Post Magazine on honoring a loved one's final wish.

Even if you don't like hockey (which I don't, and neither does the author) or Canada (which I do, and so does the author), this running diary of the NHL draft by Bill Simmons from ESPN.com was amusing. [CLARIFICATION: It's not that I don't like hockey, per se--the one Washington Capitals game we went to was a blast--but I just can't really be bothered to follow it. Maybe it's a California thing, even if the current NHL champs happen to hail from SoCal...but does anyone there really care?]

Joel Stein of the LA Times on how future decisions about going to war should be made.

Joel Achenbach in the Washington Post on why a little doubt and uncertainty isn't necessarily a bad thing.

Lisa Takeuchi Cullen in Time on the family dog's loss of status once a baby comes along.

Gene Weingarten in the Washington Post Magazine on silly little neighborhood spats blown out of proportion.

Peter Hitchens in The American Conservative (not a normal read for me, but was linked to it from elsewhere) on a visit to Iran and why we shouldn't necessarily get too worked up about the situation there. (As a side note, we had Spanish friends who vacationed in Iran a couple of years ago--crazy Europeans!--and absolutely loved it, especially because of the hospitality. Which is not to say that we're planning a trip anytime soon...)

Nightmare stories in the NY Times about funny/scary experiences with housesitters.

And I haven't read it yet, but am looking forward to reading this Q&A with Tony Gwynn (the San Diego Padres legend) and Cal Ripken Jr...

Potential

We've never been big movie-goers, not because we don't like movies (although Gretchen is generally less into them than I am), but mostly because we just never got our act together and had to wait until they came out on video. Now that we have Baby, we can't even think about trying to see movies. Every now and again something comes along, though, that makes me think it could be really good even if I know full well I won't get to see it. The latest? "Superbad".

It could be that all the funniest scenes are in the trailer, or that I only think it's funny because I'm stuck alone in muggy DC while Gretchen and Baby continue to enjoy their vacation and anything would be funny under those circumstances, or that it'll end up being just another stupid teen flick, but for now I choose to believe it'll be good because it features George Michael (one of the great TV names) from Arrested Development, and because Judd Apatow (who I only realized after reading this article was behind some TV shows and movies that I've really enjoyed) is involved.

Anyway, the trailer is pretty funny (the family-friendly version, of course...the somewhat different R-rated trailer is here).

The weight

I was weighed today, and let's just say I weighed more than I ever have. Ever. After gaining the Basel 15, I thought for sure I was due to lose a few pounds when I got back. And I did, at least initially. But I think the loss of pastries, schnitzel and rösti has more than been compensated by extra-large American portions and a lot less walking. Anyway, you know what's good when you're putting on a few pounds? A trip to Wisconsin, that's what! I did eat a vegetable or two while I was there, but I also had the following:

Grilled ham & cheese (soaked in butter, of course)

Fried cheese curds



Grilled bratwurst (more than one, and I'll leave it at that)

Frozen custard (I'm guessing at least a quart over the week)



Fried walleye cheeks (!)

Cheeseburger(s)

Grilled pork tenderloin

Grilled swordfish

Grilled steak



Grilled chicken

Grilled pork chops

Fish fry (an absolute Friday must in Wisconsin)



I just gained another 2 pounds typing this post...

Don't tell a FIB

There are a lot of things about Wisconsin that I kid Gretchen about, but the fact of the matter is you'd be hard-pressed to find friendlier people anywhere. Where else will the mailman, who doesn't know you from Adam, pull over and announce to you unprompted that he's very excited that his wife is expecting a baby but they're not telling anyone they know yet (as happened to Gretchen the other day, presumably because she had Baby with her)? It can actually be disarming coming from the East Coast, because people in Wisconsin won't hesitate to strike up a conversation with you (or give you a picture of deer) at any given time. It's difficult not to get into the spirit of things; a few nights before our wedding we went out with a group of friends (mostly jaded East and West Coasters) to a local German tavern and before long everyone was drinking beer from a gigantic boot, eating fried cheese curds and clapping along to polka music. It simply can't be helped.

But friendliness has its limits in the Dairy State...and it ends at the southern border. See, something about Illinois just gets under Wisconsinites' skin. Not Minnesota. Not Iowa. Not Michigan (although they do seem to enjoy having a laugh at the expense of the Yoopers). Their venom--to the extent that they really have venom--is reserved for people from Illinois. Or should I say, FIBs (the F is a vulgar gerund, I is for Illinois, and B refers to a fatherless child). I get the sense that there's nothing that can't be blamed on the FIBs. I was driving back to the airport and one of the Milwaukee radio stations even had a feature called "News of the FIBs" where they reported on strange happenings to the south. (By the way, I imagine folks from Chicago--go ahead, TBF--find this to be simultaneously perplexing and quaint.)

Why does any of this matter? Because it seems that every time we fly to Milwaukee and rent a car, this is what we get:



And why does that matter? Because the whole time you're there, you feel like you have a target painted on your back...not that anyone is going to hurt you or anything (people are much too nice for that, although we did get a few comments from Gretchen's friends about the plates), but that pretty much every state trooper with a radar gun is going to be on the lookout for you. When you're making the long drive up north sometimes you just want to see how fast you can go but there's a little voice in your head that reminds you that it doesn't matter if everyone else is driving 80 and you're driving 75...with those plates, guess who's going to get pulled over?

Truth be told, I've been lucky enough never to get stopped despite some very close calls, but one of these days I'm hoping to rent a car with real Wisconsin plates so I can see how fast I can get up north (and laugh at the Illinois cars I see pulled over along the way)...

Wild, wild life

One of the downsides of living so close to the city is that we don't exactly have abundant wildlife here. There are occasional exceptions--such as a few weeks ago when we were awoken at 3:00am by a loud noise outside and I looked out the window and it was a raccoon trying to get into our neighbors' trash cans--but by and large we mostly just have your usual garden-variety nuisances like squirrels. So a trip to Wisconsin, especially up north, is always a treat because there's usually a better-than-even chance that we'll see something interesting. This trip wasn't terribly exciting in that regard, but we did have a few sightings.

For example, one day we were walking down the street near the cabin when a deer bolted across the road in front of us (as referenced in Nanci's comment on the dangerous intersection). The deer was followed by a sweet old lady who proceeded to tell us that she feeds the deer every day, and that she calls her "Honey". Then, when we were walking back 20 minutes later or so, the sweet old lady came running out of her house to give us a couple of pictures of Honey since we didn't have our camera with us. (I'm telling you, this is the sort of thing that happens in Wisconsin.) Anyway, later in the week we did have our camera with us when Honey made an appearance. I know most people who live with deer consider them to be pests (just like we don't understand why tourists here take pictures of squirrels), but I don't care--any deer sighting is cool with me (Baby also thought it was pretty cool because she started laughing and panting at it like it was a dog):



Otherwise, most of our sightings other than chipmunks and neighbors' dogs were of the avian variety. We saw big families (or should I say gaggles?) of geese...



...and ducks (a paddling?) that swam right past our dock...



...and even a lone loon, which is pretty much the unofficial symbol of the North Woods and gets bonus points for being on the Canadian dollar coin...



...otherwise there were plenty of mosquitoes and flies and spiders, but that's not so exciting, is it?

In the eye of the beholder

You might guess that this is a very tranquil, bucolic, even downright sleepy area...



...but don't let that fool you--as you can see, this is clearly a VERY dangerous intersection (well, you never know when a stray chipmunk might run into the road...if this is what passes for dangerous, I'd hate to think of how some intersections in the DC area would be labeled):

Signs of the times

I'm not quite sure why, but for some reason this is one of my favorite street names in the whole wide world:



And needless to say, this wasn't a road sign I saw very often in San Diego:

Father-daughter bonding

British delicacy or punk rock band name?

I pretty much hate going to the grocery store, so I avoid it at all costs. Being on my own for the next couple of weeks, however, meant I really had to go as soon as I got back this afternoon. Well, turns out this is evidently the sort of thing I've been missing by not going to the store more often--whatever this is, it stopped me dead in my tracks when I walked past it while navigating the aisles:

Home

More later, but it was a great week in Wisconsin (Gretchen and Baby get to stay for a couple more weeks of relaxation while I go back to work). We spent a couple of days with family near Milwaukee:



Then we went up to the family cabin in the North Woods, where Baby got to make good use of her cool sun-protection swim outfit (similar to a rashy, one of the greatest inventions ever for fair-skinned, skin cancer-prone folks of Nordic descent like myself) and experienced lake water for the first time:







We also took her to the cemetery to see Gretchen's parents' headstones, which was not too somber because Baby pretty much treated them like two big toys--I think it's exactly how Gretchen's parents would want it:



Maybe the best part was just relaxing and, with the exception of a day or two of hot and humid weather, having beautiful and dry 80-degree days with chilly nights (30s and 40s!) and some nice sunsets to enjoy with a glass of wine: