Thursday, June 08, 2006

Arranging my spice cabinet

There's a line from an old Tom Petty song that perfectly describes my life these days: "The waiting is the hardest part..."

My official Geburtstermin (due date) is just over two weeks away, and at times I feel that day will never come. Sure, I still have plenty of anxiety over the process of labor and delivery, not to mention all the years of motherhood to come, but at this point, all I want is to meet this little girl and to begin to feel a bit normal again. I suppose I don't have to list all my pregnancy woes, because either: a) you may not care to hear them all again, or, b) you've been pregnant yourself and therefore already know what I'm going through. Everyone had always said to me that the last weeks are the hardest and they were right! For so much of this pregnancy I've felt great (sometimes hardly even remembering that I was pregnant), and I always try to keep it in perspective and remind myself how blessed I am to have had a healthy pregnancy, but still... I've had enough of the indigestion, the achy joints, the strong kicks into my ribs (she has strong feet!), the exhaustion, the maternity clothes that no longer fit, the sleepless nights, the tiny bladder, and, most importantly, the WAITING! OK, so there, I listed all my complaints even though I said I wasn't going to. Actually, to top it all off, I'm now also suffering from the Basel allergies that I experienced for the first time last spring. So in addition to getting up a few times each night to pee, I have to get up a few times just to blow my nose. How lovely. Thank you, Kirk, for being so patient and understanding. If I am in fact driving him crazy, he certainly hasn't let on to it.

I'm trying to keep busy to keep my mind off the waiting, but that can be tough considering I can only do so much each day with my lack of energy. I'm just not used to having to do so little! The sun is finally shining and I really wish I could be more active. I'm trying to spend lots of time getting together with friends, especially knowing I won't be able to do as much of that in the coming months. I've done as much nesting as I want to for now. I've checked just about everything off my "to do" list that has been lingering for weeks. And now, I wait...

By the way, there is a story behind the title of this post. Years ago, a good friend of mine back in DC (we'll call her M) was one of the last of my girlfriends to still be single as most of us were meeting our husbands and coupling off. No one (including M) could ever understand why she was still single-- she was cute, and funny, and easy-going, and smart, and generally one of my favorite people. Everyone I knew agreed with this (even Kirk), yet why did she always have such bad luck with the boys? She was getting a bit desparate to meet someone because she was becoming unhappy, and really wanted the companionship of a boyfriend/husband. She was tired of all the bad dates with weirdos and losers. Instead, she opted to spend more time on her own until Mr. Right came along. One time, when we were talking about what she had done over the weekend, she said (with a touch of embarrasment): "I arranged my spice cabinet". Her life was in perfect order, even her spices! She truly felt that the only thing missing was a good man! Well, my life is now in order (well, maybe not my spices) and the only thing missing is this little baby girl.

And in case you're wondering, M did find Mr Right, and they're now happily married with 3 kids.